The Heart of Lily Evans
by shmava030
Summary: James has vowed to avoid Lily for the remainder of their seventh year. But when Lily discovers why, things start to get complicated.
1. The Yule Ball

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that you recognize, they all belong to JK Rowling**

**This story starts off around Christmas time at the Yule Ball. James has been avoiding Lily for months now, but unfortunately (or I suppose it _is _fortunate) nothing lasts forever. **

**Unfortunately, I can't promise how soon I can update this story. I'll add chapters here and there, but no promises on when. Sorry!**

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The Yule Ball. Something that came around only once every four years. Everyone was looking forward to the day, especially since it fell so close to Christmas. Everyone except for James Potter.

The poor boy was prepared to spend the entire night in his dorm, eating and lounging and thoroughly ignoring his sorrows. But when the day rolled around, James's friends had no intention of letting him waste his night. They didn't realize that something was slowly eating away at him, and that going to the Ball would just make it worse. They thought they were doing their mate a favor.

So Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot dragged him out of his bed, Shoving his dress robes into his arms and locking him in the bathroom so he'd change.

The three all had dates who were waiting, and did quite some prompting and bickering trying to get Prongs ready in a timely manner. They finally managed to practically drag him downstairs, barely allowing him to grab his glasses and tame his hair.

A feeling of dread pooled in James's stomach, and he felt queasy, knowing who was going to be there. He kept a fake smile upon his face, but his eyes scanned back and forth, hoping he wouldn't find who he was trying to avoid.

The Marauders stopped just outside the doors leading into the Ball, meeting three lovely girls dressed up for the occasion. Sirius grinned at one of the girls, Marlene McKinnon. She looked gorgeous in a sparkling midnight blue dress that draped off her hips in a very flattering way. She smirked at him and said, "from the way you're looking at me I'd say I did a good job tonight."

Sirius just laughed, having no shame in being caught checking her out. "Can you blame a guy? After all, you look positively stunning." He winked and threw an arm around his date's shoulders, steering her into the Ball.

Alice Prewett rolled her eyes but with a smile on her lips. "Isn't he the charmer." Remus chuckled at her comment, responding with, "Did you expect any different from him?" Alice just shook her head.

Remus held out an arm, "Shall we go?" The two had come as friends due to their mutual dislike for finding a date for events.

Alice smiled, grabbing his outstretched arm. "I think we shall," was her response as the two wandered after Sirius and Marlene.

Peter was already grabbing Mary McDonald's hand to pull her along into the Ball, but he stopped short when he noticed James standing there, uncomfortable. "Hey mate, do you mind if we go on? I'd hate to leave you alone, but..."

James gave his friend as much of a smile as he could muster and said, "No, no. Go on, I can find my way in. Have fun you two."

Peter smiled gratefully and called over his shoulder, "Thank you! Try to have some fun as well!" as he pulled his girlfriend after him into the dance.

James ran a hand through his hair, sighing. This was definitely going to be a long night. He slowly entered the Ball, head down and hoping to sneak by unnoticed. He managed to make it to an empty table with no trouble, but as soon as he looked up, his blood froze.

There she was. And Merlin help him, she looked beautiful. Her gown was a dark royal blue with silver embroidery and lace decorating the bodice, and the skirt fanned out delicately from her waist. Her bright red hair, which she was wearing down in loose curls with one side pinned out of her face, stood out among the dullness of others. But most of all, the smile she wore, the genuine look on her face, made her the most radiant and beautiful girl in the world. Yes, Lily Evans was a sight to behold.

James evidently wasn't the only one to notice, as Chris Matthews, a seventh year Ravenclaw, had a protective arm around Lily's waist and seemed content just to look at her. She didn't seem to mind the affection much, which was strange. James knew she didn't like people drawing attention to her. Then again, maybe she just didn't like _him _drawing attention to her.

He supposed that was fair, considering for six years he had done just that to her, especially with the constant advances, asking her to go out with him. Unfortunately she either didn't realize he meant it when he asked due to all his teasing and flirting, or she just didn't like him. The latter was more likely.

James had given up by the time seventh year rolled around. She began dating Matthews, and seemed happier without James constantly there to annoy her. James had instead focused on his school work more and spent all his free time either with his fellow marauders, in the room of requirement practicing charms and spells, or stowing away in some hidden part of the castle. Pretty much anything to avoid Lily.

It hurt him to see her with Chris. It really did. But of course, he couldn't tell anyone that. Even his friends wouldn't understand, because he tried so hard to keep everyone from seeing how hopelessly in love he really was with Lily Evans, and how devastated he felt that she did not return the sentiment.

James had wanted to avoid coming here because he felt that seeing them together may just break his heart. And it was just as painful as he'd imagined, watching as Matthews pulled her close to his chest, whispering something in her ear. It made his heart ache, seeing her smile and look at Chris affectionately. How James wished it was him holding her, him that she looked at adoringly.

Chris looked over, catching sight of James and where his gaze was fixed. His eyes narrowed. Chris knew that James had been after Lily for quite a long while, and had made it clear he felt proud of having snagged her away. Matthews's mouth twitched upward, and he grabbed Lily's arm, tugging her onto the dancefloor. She looked surprised for a moment, but smiled tentatively and allowed herself to be swept up in the dance. James could hardly watch... and yet he couldn't look away. Over Lily's shoulder, Chris grinned at James, and then twirled Lily around, her skirt fanning out. And when she returned to his arms, he kissed her.

James started to see red at the edges of his vision, and abruptly stood up, making for the door to the balcony. It thankfully offered no resistance, and James burst through, the crisp night air helping to clear his head. He leaned on the railing, letting his bangs fall in front of his eyes. Why did he have to be in love with the one girl he would never have? It was like the world was laughing at him.

James closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He didn't know how long he stayed there. it felt like hours, but it most likely was mere minutes. James didn't care. He would stay there the entire night if he could.

Alas, the peacefulness of the quiet balcony was interrupted. James didn't bother to turn around, hoping that whoever it was would be smart enough to realize he didn't want to be disturbed.

James heard a familiar laugh that made him freeze. Maybe he could just sneak back in unnoticed... nope."James?" Bollocks.

He turned around, bracing himself. He put on what he hoped was an unconcerned smile. More than likely it came across as more of a grimace. He had come face to face with Lily, who looked at him with concern.

Chris on the other hand, who stood protectively behind his girlfriend, seemed to have an amused glint in his cold eyes. "Ah James, where's your date? Shouldn't you be dancing?"

The Gryffindor boy smiled tightly in response. "I actually hadn't planned on coming, my mates dragged me here, so I don't have a date."

Matthews seemed to be enjoying himself all too much. "Oh? What a shame then." He then leaned closer than necessary to loudly whisper to Lily, "Maybe we should find somewhere else. Somewhere we can be alone." Lily blushed deeply, and avoided making eye contact with the boy in front of her. James didn't want to know. Chris pulled her away and pushed her gently towards the door. "I'll come find you in a minute. Just gotta ask James a question real quick." He winked at her and smiled reassuringly.

She looked hesitant, but nodded and began to walk away. As soon as she was through the door, Chris turned and smiled with no warmth. "So. You obviously don't seem to grasp the fact that she is never going to return your feelings." His smile dropped. "I don't appreciate you pining after my girlfriend. If i see it happen again, you're going to regret crossing me."

James smiled mockingly, ignoring the pang in his heart he felt when Matthews referenced Lily as his girlfriend. "Funny that you feel the need to threaten me despite the fact that it's so _obvious_ that she'd never fancy me. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were nervous that she might, dare I say it, lose interest in you? Find someone better?"

Chris sneered. "And you think _you_ are better?" he scoffed. "Well, let me tell you something. You're a joke. People like you, but not because they know you. They like that you and your idiot friends get in trouble for things so that they don't have to. None of them care about you, really. To them you are just free entertainment. And to Lily, you're just a thorn in her side. And she wants nothing more than for you to disappear from her life entirely. Get the picture?"

James rolled his eyes. "Oh sod off, Matthews, I'm not here to steal your girl. I know she doesn't want me around. Why else would I have practically avoided her all year, you git? Not for you. For her. Now get out of my face before I move you myself."

Chris took a threatening step forward, but James didn't feel intimidated. He just wanted to go up to his dormitory and pull out the stash of firewhiskey Sirius had smuggled in. Matthews snarled, "You'd better stick to your word and stay away from her, or I will ruin you. Am I clear?"

James once again rolled his eyes. "Crystal," he replied.

Matthews looked satisfied with his response, and clapped his shoulder hard. "Good talk, James. Glad you and I see eye to eye." The prick had the nerve to grin as he turned...

And came face to face with one Lily Evans.


	2. James it is

**Chapter 2 is up! This one is a bit shorter than the previous one, but it felt like a good place to stop. I think the next one will be Lily's point of view. **

**This was done surprisingly quickly, but the next few will take a bit longer to publish. I've got a busy couple weeks ahead of me, but I'll do what I can. Enjoy!**

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Chris started and took a step backwards in surprise. "Lily! I- Did you- er, I thought I told you I'd come find you."

She looked furious. "You really think I wouldn't suspect something was up when you stayed behind to 'ask James a question'? How daft do you think I am?!"

Chris visibly paled, even in the dim lighting. "I- you heard all that, then?"

Lily glared in response. James found it strange to not be the person on the receiving end of her fiery glare for once. Evidently Chris found it strange to be the person on the receiving end. Lily waved her hands in angry motions as she spoke. "You have no right to determine who can and cannot come near me. It's _not_ up to you! You're a right shallow git, you know that? Thinking you have a right to feed James lies about how he's worthless to everyone else. Well you want to know what _I_ think? I think you're a prick with his head so far up his arse that he truly believes he's above the feelings, opinions, and free will of others. At least James has the decency to respect my choices! You- God! I can't even believe you right now!" Lily was fuming. As Chris tried to get a word in to defend himself, Lily cut him off. "No! You don't get to talk! I don't want to even look at you anymore. Just go." She pointed towards the doors. When he didn't move, she said forcefully, "GO!" Chris did as he was told.

James ran a hand through his hair, cautiously eyeing Lily. He was afraid that if he spoke she would blow up again, this time at him. Instead though, she turned towards him, all anger gone, and a slight sadness present in her expression. "I'm sorry. I just- He shouldn't have said that stuff to you."

James realized that she was apologizing to him for her own anger. He shook his head. "No! I mean, it's alright. He shouldn't think he can determine who can and can't be around you. I don't blame you for getting angry at him."

Lily nodded absently, obviously thinking about something else. "Is that really why you suddenly stopped talking to me this year?" She looked at him with wide green eyes.

James scratched the back of his neck, a blush rising to his cheeks. "Well, I- You just- I don't know, I guess I realized you'd be happier without me being a constant pain in the ass." he laughed bitterly. "I know, took me long enough to figure out. You'd think the constant rejection would get the message across sooner. I guess I just realized you were better off without me there, so I just avoided you. And you seemed happier, so I kept doing it."

Lily just blinked at him. James shrugged uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, by the way. About how I've acted in the past. I know, I was an immature prat, and I probably completely ruined-" James cut off abruptly when Lily held up a hand.

She looked like she was going to be sick. "You... You mean you actually meant it? Every time you complimented me, every time you asked me out?"

James coughed to hide his blush. "I, well, yeah. I know, I went about it really stupidly,and managed to make you hate me instead-"

Lily shook her head. "I didn't hate you. I _don't _hate you." She rubbed her hands across her face, still looking a bit queasy. She took a deep breath. "Well, I think I'd best head back in. My friends will be wondering what happened to me." She laughed a little, at nothing in particular. "I'm sorry about Chris, James. He was out of line, and I hope you know he's wrong about you." She smiled slightly, and turned to head in.

But something had caught James's attention. "Wait!" he surged forward and grabbed Lily's arm, spinning her around.

She looked surprised. "What is it?'

James blushed at his outburst. "I- Sorry, it's just that... You've called me James. Not Potter."

Lily looked startled. "I hadn't noticed. I mean, is it alright? If I call you James?"

James nodded. "Yes! Er, Yeah, that's fine. Perfectly fine."

Lily smiled timidly. "Well then, James it is." The two just looked at each other for a moment. Then Lily snapped out of it, glancing at the semi opened door, and looked back. "I should- I'm going to go back inside."

James rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, a sheepish smile on his face. "Yeah, of course. Sorry, bout that."

She smiled and turned back around, giving him one final look before disappearing through the door, her dress swishing behind her.

James just looked at the door for a moment, even after she'd gone. Then he ran his hand through his already disheveled hair, releasing a big breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in.

James shook himself out of it, pushing the door back open and reentering the brightly lit ballroom. Well, he supposed, the night hadn't been _completely _unsuccessful, considering he'd had a conversation with Lily, and she hadn't yelled at him. She'd even called him by his first name, something she hadn't done since the beginning of first year. Now, he could only hope the newfound friendliness would last.


End file.
